


Five Times Abbie Refused to Buy Ichabod a New Phone (and Once She Acquiesced)

by Ahigheroctave



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Cell Phones, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 09:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahigheroctave/pseuds/Ahigheroctave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I will never understand the crass colloquialisms this century insists on perpetuating."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Abbie Refused to Buy Ichabod a New Phone (and Once She Acquiesced)

**Author's Note:**

> Had to post this now because it will likely not be canon in...less than a day.

i.

She finds him working busily at the desk when she opens the door, and shuts it quietly behind her.

“So, I had a busy morning,” She sighs, walking farther into the room.

“As did I,” He smiles, moving his water bottle out of her sight. Ever since he’d found out they’d been selling them for ‘the outrageous sum of a dollar and seventy-five cents’ at the precinct’s vending machines, he’d taken to refilling her empty bottles at Corbin’s cabin and bringing them with him. She hasn’t had the heart to tell him about the bills the town sends for water yet.

He remembers his manners suddenly, and she sees the slight pain on his face when he realizes his mistake, “Of course, ladies first.” He assumes his respectful stance with his hands held politely behind his back.

She has to look down at the floor for a minute to remember she’s chastising him. “For starters, when I call, I need you to pick up,” She says seriously, looking up at him.

He reaches for his flip-phone as he speaks, “I believe I’d have an easier time navigating my device were it not such a…” He pauses, looking at her with the phone perched in his hand right before him. “How should I say this?” He takes a moment and she stares at him, waiting. “An antiquated piece of rubbish,” He says, clearly savoring the words.

“What’s wrong with your phone?” Crane might be right, the phone is from about ten years ago at this point. Jenny’s had a bad habit of breaking hers, with the constant escape attempts from the Asylum and the fighting of angry demons. Her sister had ended up needing her last few back-ups, even with AT&T’s insurance plans. Still, he’s older than any phone – cellular or not - and she thinks that should count for something.

He flips the small gray device open and closed as he wrinkles his brow, “It’s obsolete,” He states, as if it were obvious. She can’t help but smile at his clear frustration with the phone.

“I’m not blaming you, Lieutenant,” He rolls his eyes practically to the sky, leaning on the desk to emphasize his pout, and she steps closer, not even bothering to hide her grin. “It’s these telecommunication companies overwhelming the populous with their ostentatious advertisements. They’re coercing the consumer into purchasing countless system updates,” The words sound so strange coming out of his mouth. And she has to bite her tongue not to tell him their called upgrades, seeing as he’s always correcting her about her inalienable rights and her history and, well, everything, really. “It’s an abuse of capitalism,” He puts up a finger to make his point, “And certainly not the vision behind laissez-faire.” 

“And yet,” She stares at him solemnly for a second before raising her eyebrows, “You want a new one?”

He looks down for just a moment before staring at her again and whispering, “You’ve got one.”

 

ii.

“What if I am again abducted and my device refuses to activate as it did when you came to fetch me after your visitation with Officer in your home?” Crane is following after her through the corridor of the precinct as she scarfs down the last of her McDonald’s hash brown before they meet up with Irving. He had refused the food when she’d pulled up outside the drive through, scrunching his nose at her. As if his recent addiction to Captain Crunch was any more nutritious, Abbie had a sneaking suspicion he only liked the sugary cereal for the cartoon Captain’s resemblance to a certain General Washington. Not that she was about to bring it up, Crane had been cranky enough since they’d failed to get his wife back from purgatory. Better not to add insult to injury.

“I am not buying you a new phone because you don’t know how to work the power button on your old one,” She rolls her eyes, rolling up her red-and-white paper bag and tossing it into the nearest trash can.

His face turns bright red, “I do know the buttons on this infernal contraption!” The clerk walking past them with a stack of files gives him a disapproving look and he lowers his voice, “I estimated that it was similar to the traffic lantern in that regard, green is for go and red is for stop. It only seemed natural to assume that awakening it would be the same as communicating through it.”

“You know what they say about assumptions, Crane,” She grins, holding open the door to the Captain’s office.

“I’m afraid I do not, Lieutenant,” He answered, walking in past her and still clutching his small phone.

“It makes an ass out of you and an ass out of me.” She laughs heartily at the stern look on his face at her joke.

“I will never understand the crass colloquialisms this century insists on perpetuating,” He sighs, holding the door open for her to pass through. He may not like the saying, but Abbie swears his eyes linger a little too far south as he watches her pass through.

 

iii.

He’s taken to playing Snake in the passenger seat on his dinosaur of a phone while she questions witnesses. However, one day she accidentally leaves her iPhone in the car with him and he beats her score on Tetris, which took her years to best Detective Jones at.

She’s not going to lie, Abbie almost buys him a better phone just to cover up the shame of losing to someone who is two centuries old.

 

iv.

One night Crane accidentally pocket dials her as he cooks, and she may let it go on a minute (or twenty) longer than necessary. When she finally gets his attention by screaming at the top of her lungs, he huffs, “Perhaps if I had a system _upgrade_ ,” He pronounces it carefully now, after a conversation in which Morales had thoroughly embarrassed him on the distinction. “I wouldn’t be interrupting you, Ms. Mills.”

She’s glad he can’t see her grinning like the Cheshire Cat over the phone, “No, but then I would miss out on your lovely singing voice.”

The moment he spends in silence is about the longest she’s ever heard him go without talking, which should say something. He finally clears his throat, “How long have you been listening exactly?”

If there is one thing Abbie Mills was not born with it is definitely an angel’s voice. Her singing does in fact sound more like a dying cat, but she can’t help but screech the words back at Crane, “ _‘Oh no, my dear Granny, you’re wrongly informed, To Enslave America we don’t intend./But this land is our King’s we do solemnly say, And we will make laws for your sons to obey._ ”

She can practically feel all the blood drain from his face as he sighs, “I suppose if you are going to invade my privacy either way, I may as well invite you to dine with me then.”

She accepts, and damn if the Hasty Pudding he makes for dessert isn’t good.

 

v.

He convinces her to let him borrow her phone for the day as a test run. At the end of the day when he still hasn’t managed to break it, she thinks it might actually be a success. She’s considering offering him a pay-as-you go option on the condition that he keep it in an Otterbox at all times, when suddenly the phone vibrates on her kitchen counter and she sees Morales’ number pop up.

She almost slides it to ignore him but decides at the last minute to answer, in case it’s work related, “What’s going on, Morales?”

“Can you explain to me why the Nutty Professor is sending me Snapchats from your phone?”

*

“I believed it to be the camera, Miss Mills. My deepest apologies, I did not mean to upset your formerly betrothed.”

The second he thinks she isn’t looking he smiles so self-assuredly though, she has to resist the urge to smack him.

 

i.

She crashes on the couch at Corbin’s cabin because she is beyond too tired to drive home after a demon briefly possesses Irving, practically bringing the department and everyone in it to its knees. It’s the first time she’s slept soundly in months, possibly because the dwelling is so removed from town that there’s not much to go bump in the night and make her reach for the gun (it might be a bad sign that she’s taken to keeping it right on her nightstand, but she tries not to think about it). And when she wakes up to the smell of sizzling bacon with her muscles aching only about half the normal amount, Abbie even thinks the next seven years might not be so bad.

“Ah, Lieutenant, you have awoken. How many eggs would you like?” After a picture perfect breakfast with two eggs over easy (she always breaks the yolks, but Crane doesn’t) and half a package of bacon cooked just the right amount so it’s still greasy but not too crispy, she notices her phone’s missing.

“Crane, where’s my iPhone?” He looks at her sheepishly, pulling it out of his pocket and placing it on the table, and there’s already a feeling of dread rising in her chest.

“Well, you fell asleep quite suddenly last night. And Miss Jenny kept making attempts to contact you, I was feared that if I did not answer her beckoning-” Abbie doesn’t hear the rest of his sentence because she’s already in the bathroom with the door shut, calling Jenny to damage control whatever Crane has done.

“Hey sis,” She can practically hear the smug look on Jenny’s face as she answers the phone. “Long night?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call, Ichabod and I-”

“Tall, Dark, and British and I already talked today, actually. Around 3am this morning when he answered your cell.”

Abbie just sighs into the receiver.

*

She finds herself standing next to Crane as a short kid who doesn’t look eighteen talks them through the various smart phones at Best Buy later that day. Once the boy has talked him into a Samsung phone he will likely never be able to figure out, he starts talking monthly plans.

“I’ve noticed your wife already has an iPhone, would you two like to go on a family plan? It’ll save you both a lot of money.”

She just shakes her head in response.

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom has eaten me alive. I spent most of today watching interviews and the whole cast is so adorable, especially Nichole. Anyways, the song referenced in iv is Granny Wales, a Revolutionary War ditty about the British (Regulars) and taxes. I went back and forth between that and Yankee Doodle but I figured Crane would like that one better. The first scenario is 100% taken from the sneak peeks, so not mine. Just needed it to set the tone.


End file.
